We searched high and low, and spent countless hours searching the forests of Lake County and finally, with the help of an order of Culver’s cheese curds, a 12er of Minnesota Gold Light, and a promise of a Chris Pine Sex tape, we were able to coax the Nostralupagus out of hiding. Here are his predictions on the first round of the 2017 NFL Draft……..
OHHH YEESSSSS OHHH IT’S COMING FAST AND HARD……..AHHHH THERE ARE THREE TEAMS THAT ARE CURRENTLY NOT PICKING IN THE FIRST ROUND…OHHHH BUT ONE OF THEM SHALL!!!!!! OHHHH YESSSSS
LET ME RUB MY BALL HERE….YESS THAT DID IT…OHHH I SEE IT NOW…3 QUARTERBACKS WILL BE OFF THE BOARD BY THE 15th PICK……………..MMMMMMM
OHHH AHHH YESSSSSS UCONN SAFETY OBI MELIFONWU WILL BE TAKEN MUCH EARLIER THAN EVEN I EXPECT OHHHHHH AHHHH EEEEEEEEE
AHH EEEE OHHHHH HEEE HEEEEEE 4 TEAMS WILL PICK MULTIPLE TIMES THIS THURSDAY NIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!AAHHHHHHHHHHOHHHHHHHHHMMMMMMMMMMMMM
OHHH MY BALL IS BEGINNING TO FIZZ OUT LET ME SPIT ON IT HERE AND RUB FOR A SECOND OHHHH YESSS THAT DID IT!!!! OHHHH ONLY TWO OFFENSIVE LINEMAN WILL COME OFF THE BOARD BEFORE THE COCK CROWS AT THE END OF ROUND 1 AHAHHHHH HMMMMMM EEEE!!!!!!!!!
EEEE MMMMM OHHHHH I SEE IT OHHH I SEE IT SOOOO HAAARRDDDD BOTH REUBEN FOSTER AND JABRILL PEPPERS WILL FALL OUT OF THE FIRST ROUND!!! AAAHHHHHAAAAAAMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEE
OHHHHH MMMMM AHHHHH EEEEEEEE ONE TEAM IN THE AFC SOUTH WILL NOT GET THEIR PICK IN ON TIME AHHHH EEEEEE OHHHHHHH
OH DAMNNNN AHHHHH YESSSSSSSS THERE IT IS……… THE GREEN BAY PACKERS PICK WILL BE CONSIDERED THE BIGGEST REACH OF THE NIGHT AHHHHHHHOOHHHHH MYYYYY
AHHHHH I FEEL IT IN MY BALL HHHHHMMMMMMM WHEN THE FIRST 5 PICKS COME OFF THE 2 OF THEM WILL BE SAFETIES AHHHHH OHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
OHHH I THINKKKK I GOTTT ONE MORE INNN MEEEE AHHH YESS YESS THERE IT IS….THE FIRST QB OF THE BOARD WILL NOT BE MITCHELL TRUBISKY AHHHH AHHHHHH
BACK TO HIDING I GOOOOOOOOO AHHHHHHHHHH
The Draft is hours away, so it’s time to take a detailed look at each team’s acquisitions and losses and gauge a plan of attack for how they should approach the first three rounds. We’ll start with the lowly Cleveland Browns and work our way all the way up to the Super Bowl Champs in New England. We end this year’s POAs with the Champs, the New England Patriots.
NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS
Team Needs: RB, G, C, DE
Free Agent Losses: TE Martellus Bennett, DE Chris Long, LB Barkevious Mingo, CB Logan Ryan, DE Jabaal Sheard
Free Agent Acquisitions: DT Alan Branch (resigned), S Duron Harmon (resigned), LB D’onta Hightower (resigned), RB Rex Burkhead, CB Stephon Gilmore, DE Lawrence Guy, DE Kony Ealy (trade), WR Brandin Cooks (trade), RB Mike Gillislee (RFA)
Potential Round 1 Targets: No Pick
Potential Round 2 Targets: No Pick
Potential Round 3 Targets: G Dorian Johnson, C/G Pat Elflein, G/C Ethan Pocic, G/T Zach Banner, RB D’Onta Foreman, RB Samaje Perine, RB Marlon Mack, RB Wayne Gallman, RB Kareem Hunt, DE Tanoh Kpassagnon, DE Tarrell Basham, DE DeMarcus Walker, DE Derek Rivers
Plan of Attack:
The Pats don’t pick until round 3 and that is because of some savvy deals they swung this offseason. This team already won the Super Bowl and now have brought in Brandin Cooks and Kony Ealy via trade, and also signed CB Stephon Gilmore. That is scary. This team is stacked and really doesn’t have any glaring needs to address. So when they do finally get to pick late on Friday evening, the first thing they could do is take a RB. The Pats love to have a bunch of guys at the position and then just ride the hot hand. But it may be time for them to find a bell cow. Texas’ D’Onta Foreman could be someone they look at. He is a powerful runner who can plow through the pile and then turn on the jets. They could also look at Oklahoma’s Joe Mixon. Yes, he has his character issues, but the Pats have a way of straightening players out and boy could he do damage in this offense. Mixon is a powerful back with good speed and vision, and wouldn’t come off the field much with his receiving ability. The Patriots could also get some depth for the interior of their offensive line. There could be players like LSU’s Ethan Pocic or Ohio St.’s Pat Eflfein on the board. These boys can play center or guard and are a couple of blue collar, tough guys, who will work hard every single day. The Patriots actually get to pick twice in round 3, so another area they could address would be defensive end. They brought in Kony Ealy in a trade. He’s got 14 career sacks and will lock down one side. Opposite him is Trey Flowers who broke out with 7 sacks a season ago. They could use some depth here. Some names who could be available would be Tanoh Kpassagnon, Tarell Basham or Derek Rivers. The interesting guy from that group is Tanoh Kpassagnon. This guy is a freak standing 6’7 and weighing at 289 lbs. He has a nice long frame with a giant wingspan. The catch with Kpassgnon is he’s extremely raw. The team that Drafts him will need to be patient with him as he continues to learn the game and understand it’s intricacies and nuances. The Patriots have always been a team who aren’t afraid to move up or down the Draft board. So it’s very possible they package these picks to move up and take someone they think can have an immediate impact. There is also a chance they move down and maybe acquire an extra pick in the later rounds or even for next year.
The Draft is hours away, so it’s time to take a detailed look at each team’s acquisitions and losses and gauge a plan of attack for how they should approach the first three rounds. We’ll start with the lowly Cleveland Browns and work our way all the way up to the Super Bowl Champs in New England. Our beloved Vikings are getting a looksy this afternoon.
Team Needs: G, DT, S, LB, WR, RB, C, TE
Free Agent Losses: RB Adrian Peterson (cut), LB Audie Cole, TE Rhett Ellison, WR Charles Johnson, OT Matt Kalil, P Jeff Locke, CB Captain Munnerlyn, WR Cordarrelle Patterson, OT Andre Smith
Free Agent Acquisitions: WR Adam Thielen (resigned), CB Terrence Newman (resigned), DT Datone “M’Fn” Jones, RB Latavius Murray, OT Riley Reiff, OT Mike Remmers
Potential Round 1 Targets: No Pick
Potential Round 2 Targets: G Dan Feeney, G/T Dion Dawkins, G/T Taylor Moton, G/T Antonio Garcia, TE Evan Engram, WR Zay Jones, WR JuJu Smith-Schuster, S Budda Baker, S Marcus Maye, OLB TJ Watt, OLB Tim Williams, DT Malik McDowell, DT Caleb Brantley, DT Chris Wormley, RB Alvin Kamara, RB Joe Mixon, LB Raekwon McMillan, LB Jarrad Davis
Potential Round 3 Targets: WR Curtis Samuel, WR Cooper Kupp, WR Chris Godwin, LB Anthony Walker Jr., LB Kendall Beckwith, LB Alex Anzalone, G Dorian Johnson, C/G Pat Elflein, G/C Ethan Pocic, G/T Zach Banner, S Eddie Jackson, S Justin Evans, S Marcus Williams, TE Adam Shaheen, TE Bucky Hodges, TE Gerald Everett, RB D’Onta Foreman, RB Samaje Perine, RB Marlon Mack, RB Wayne Gallman, RB Kareem Hunt, DT Larry Ogunjobi, DT Dalvin Tomlinson, DT Montravious Adams
Plan of Attack:
The Vikings traded away their first round pick to get Sam Bradford. With Teddy Bridgewater looking like he’s going to be out at least one more season, the move now looks brilliant. Bradford played very well a season ago, especially when you consider the constant duress he was under. The Vikings addressed that issue in the offseason by bringing in tackles Riley Reiff and Mike Remmers. While it’s been addressed, it’s far from solved. The Vikings still have a gaping, drippy hole at right guard. That is where they should focus with their first round pick. The guy they should be targeting is Indiana guard Dan Feeney. Feeney is 6’4, 305 lbs, and is tougher than a Mama Lucy cookie. He moves well for his size and should be considered a starter as soon as his name is announced. If he’s gone, the Purple could look at Temple’s Dion Dawkins. Dawkins is a guard/tackle tweener, so he brings added versatility to the Vikings offensive line, and boy could they have used that a year ago. He dominated at the Senior Bowl and is powerful, with a nice thick frame, and good footwork. He, like Feeney, would be starting from day one. Some other positions the Vikings could address in round 2, would be defensive tackle, safety, and linebacker. The Vikings were porous against the run last season, and need to beef up the middle of the line especially now that Shariff Floyd’s career is in jeopardy. They could look at Michigan St.’s Malik McDowell, Florida’s Caleb Brantley, or Michigan’s Chris Wormley. McDowell is a high energy player when motivated. That’s the reason he could be available this late, his play is very inconsistent. Brantley may be a little smaller than the Vikings would like, while Wormley can play the middle or swing over to end in certain situations. The Vikings still haven’t been able to find a solid partner for Harrison Smith at safety. They may look to do that here. The guy that would be a great fit would be Washington’s Budda Baker. This guy is nuts. He throws his body around with disregard for his own safety. He isn’t just a mad man back there, he can also cover. At linebacker the team could look at outside options like Wisconsin’s TJ Watt or they could look inside at Jarrad Davis or Ohio St.’s Raekwon McMillan. If they do take a linebacker here, it would go to show they don’t have much faith in last year’s 5th round pick of Kentrell Brothers.
The Vikings have two third round picks thanks to the Draft Day trade they made with the Dolphins last year. So assuming they get their guard in round 2, they can look to add a running back and a safety or defensive tackle here. The Vikings were wise to bring in former Oakland Raiders RB Latavius Murray. He has had success in this league and is a big back who can be the workhorse. They only signed him to a one year deal, so the Vikings will be definitely looking for a long term solution in the Draft. There should be plenty of options for them in the 3rd round. D’Onta Foreman is a power runner from Texas, Samaje Perine from Oklahoma, is a tough compactly build player, Marlon Mack is a dual threat back and put up nice numbers in South Florida’s offense, and Wayne Gallman is a long strider who helped the Clemson Tigers win the National Championship. Those are just a few of the guys the team should be looking at. There is another. That is Joe Mixon from Oklahoma. This guy is a better player than all the previous backs I mentioned. He is a powerful runner with great burst, and can catch the ball out of the backfield. But he’s a woman beater and that is a major concern. Mike Zimmer seemed to take a shining to Mixon at his Pro Day and even walked out with him. So there is obvious interest from the Purple. The final say on whether or not they draft him may ultimately end up coming from ownership. With their second third round choice, the Vikings could look at a defensive tackle or a safety. The Vikings run defense was pretty brutal a season ago, after being basically impenetrable for many years prior. Tom Johnson is more of a interior pressure guy and Shamar Stephen seemed to regress filling in for Shariff Floyd. Newly signed Datone Jones isn’t exactly a road block either, so the Vikes could be after a big bodied man here. A few names to keep your peepers on would be Auburn’s Montravious Adams, Charlotte’s Larry Ogunjobi, and Alabama’s Davlin Tomlinson. Personally, I like Adams from Auburn. This guy at times has looked like a first round pick with his combination of speed and power. But at other times he gets eaten up by blockers and man handled off the line. So if Mike Zimmer can coach some consistency into him, the Vikes could have a steal on their hands. As stated before the Vikings could also look at a safety in round 3. They still haven’t found the right guy to pair with Harrison Smith. Andrew Sendejo is average at best and last year’s preseason darling, Jayron Kearse, didn’t perform well when it counted. So names to be looking at here would be Florida’s Marcus Maye, Alabam’s Eddie Jackson, Utah’s Marcus Williams, or Texas A&M’s Justin Evans. Eddie Jackson is an interesting prospect. He comes from Alabama, so he’s always faced top collegiate competition. He is a former cornerback so clearly he knows how to cover. He also brings value as a punt returner. Jackson is coming off an injury, so he may still be available in the late third round. Justin Evans is another guy who could still be on the board. He is a top flight athlete who plays with a ton of heart. The biggest concern with Evans is his lack of bulk and overall size, but he can lay down some big hits for a man of his stature. Other areas the Vikings could address in round 3, would be tight end and linebacker, but expect some sort of combination of guard, defensive tackle, running back, and safety with their first three selections.
The Draft is nigh, so it’s time to take a detailed look at each team’s acquisitions and losses and gauge a plan of attack for how they should approach the first three rounds. We’ll start with the lowly Cleveland Browns and work our way all the way up to the Super Bowl Champs in New England. The Rams are up this rainy Draft Tuesday.
Team Needs: WR, G, TE, S, CB, LB
Free Agent Losses: WR Kenny Britt “The Tit”, S TJ McDonald
Free Agent Acquisitions: K Greg Zuerlein (resigned), DE Connor Barwin, RB Lance Dunbar, QB Aaron Murray, CB Nickell Robey Coleman, CB Kayvon Webster, OT Andrew Whitworth, WR Robert Woods, C John Sullivan
Potential Round 1 Targets: No Pick
Potential Round 2 Targets: G Dan Feeney, G/T Dion Dawkins, G/T Taylor Moton, G/T Antonio Garcia, TE Evan Engram, WR Zay Jones, WR JuJu Smith-Schuster, S Budda Baker, S Marcus Maye, OLB TJ Watt, OLB Tim Williams
Potential Round 3 Targets: WR Curtis Samuel, WR Cooper Kupp, WR Chris Godwin, CB Jourdan Lewis, CB Corn Elder, CB Rasul Douglas, LB Anthony Walker Jr., LB Kendall Beckwith, LB Alex Anzalone, OT Adam Bisnowaty, G/T Zach Banner, S Eddie Jackson, S Justin Evans, S Marcus Williams, TE Adam Shaheen, TE Bucky Hodges, TE Gerald Everett
Plan of Attack:
The Rams don’t pick until Round 2 due to the Jared Goff deal from a year ago. That trade, after year one, has to make the Rams front office as well as their fans, extremely nervous. Goff was flustered all season and didn’t show a heck of a lot of potential, other than maybe being a mediocre at best QB. In his defense, he didn’t have much to work with, and really still doesn’t. So getting him a weapon here at the top of round 2 could be the way the team goes. They could look at a wide receiver first. They brought in Robert Woods for some reason and now have two receivers who are 6’0 and under topping their depth chart. They could look for size here and the man that could be available would be Zay Zay “Make ’em Pay” Jones from ECU. Jones blew up the Senior Bowl and has the size (6’2) speed, and hands that quarterbacks love. He could blossom into the Rams no. 1 target. They could also look at a tight end here. The Rams parted ways with Lance Kendricks and for good reason, but have unproven Tyler Higbee and something called Temarrick Hemingway topping the depth chart. That isn’t good. So they could be interested in Ole Miss’ Evan Engram. He’s got the size and speed to create mismatches over the middle and down the seams. He isn’t a good blocker but the team doesn’t need him to be. Engram could make life much easier for young Jared Goff. Speaking of Goff, he wasn’t the only one with issues a season ago. Todd Gurley regressed badly and just didn’t have any room to run. The team may look to rectify that and take a big mauling guard here. The name that comes to mind is Draftseason man crush, Dan Feeney from Indiana. Feeney is big, poweful and is pro ready. He would start from day one, and fill a huge hole on the Rams line.
If the Rams get a weapon for Goff with that first pick, then they could look to bolster the offensive line in round 3. They could be looking at versatile guys like Temple’s Dion Dawkins, Ohio St.’s Pat Elflein, or a true guard in Pitt’s Dorian Johnson. Any of these guys would likely start right off the bat, and the Rams would hope they’d be able to open some holes for Gurley so they can get their run game going, and make life that much easier for their padawan quarterback. The Rams could address needs on the defensive side of the ball here too. They could use an upgrade at safety and their could be plenty of guys available. Utah’s Marcus Williams, TAMU’s Justin Evans, and Alabama’s Eddie Jackson are just a few of the names. It’s not hard to imagine one of them coming in an challenging for a lot of playing time against Mo Alexander or Isaiah Johnson. They could also use another linebacker and would be looking at LSU’s Kendall Beckwith or Duke Riley. Lastly, they could opt to add depth at corner and could find some real good value. Guys like Ahkello Witherspoon, Quincy Wilson, or Cam Sutton could still be around and would be considered steals at this point by all members of the Draftseason family.